Finally getting some work done...

Well first off I would like to thank the people that did send questions, even though I only received like 3 or 4 emails of questions. I was surprised to hear from some family that I haven’t talked to in a while, which for me is awesome. It definitely a moral booster to know that people are actually interested in what I am doing down here. Anyway, I will answer the questions next blog, I am going to save them and take them back to my house so I can give some more thought to them. Also, I was talking to a friend and she came up with the idea if you don’t have any questions per say another idea is to send me writing props.

See the problem that I am having is that now that I have lived down here 7.5 months (yeah, I can’t believe its been that long) things that were outrageous back when I first got here have become normal. For example, I was eating dinner at a friends house the other day and right in the middle of dinner two chickens started making a whole lot of noise and looked to be wrestling about five feet away from me (well if you didn’t know, they were doing the dirty and only the cock makes noise. The female chicken can´t make noise). Anyway unless I was thinking about my blog postings at the time it wouldn’t have even caught my attention.

I know you all are eagerly awaiting the results of my cats pregnancy so without further ado, I am happy to announce that I am the proud father of three ugly kittens. Easter morning, or I should say from 11 pm the night before Easter until 2 am Easter morning, my cat gave birth to 2 little male kittens and 1 female kitten. One is actually kind of cute but the other two have no chance of losing the ugly title. But anyway I must admit I was naïve enough to think the poor little cat was going to make a little noise and then three little cute balls of fur would walk out and it would be a good time. I would have a couple little fur balls that I could play with and they would chase after string. No, it was three hours of screaming and ill just say bodily fluids. Luckily the kittens never cry and I have found homes for two of the three.

So I am actually happy to note some progress in job side of things, yes I do get in a little work down here as well. This week I just started a women´s cooking class! Its exciting because like I have noted before most of the women only cook rice, beans, cheese and sometimes add a little meat. The goal of this class is to improve on a couple of things:

1. The variety of foods being consumed
2. Cooking while using less oils and salts
3. Getting the women together so I will have a base of women that I have built trust with for future projects
4. Increase use of local foods that are often ignored because they do not know how to cook them

So with that said I had my first cooking class yesterday. Thursday, I went around and talked to around 15 or 20 women who all acted very excited and told me that they would be there for the class. As typical Nica fashion goes, the class was to start at 4 pm and as 4:30 comes around I find myself still sitting alone in my house. Not a good sign but as many Nica´s come to meetings upwards of an hour after the start time it wasn’t unexpected. So at 4:30 I bribe a couple of the little kids outside my house to go hunt down some of the women that I have built trust with to get them to come. Much like in the US people don’t want to be the first person to attend, however, once they see one person show up then they follow them in the door. Well twenty minutes roll by and before you know it there was twelve women (okay 4 women, 6 teenagers and 2 kids) are all gathered around for cooking class to start.

First day I decided to make peanut butter and then use the peanut butter to make two different deserts. Who wouldn’t come back after making deserts? So anyway we learned during our training how to make peanut butter, however there is a large difference between learning how to do something and then taking that and trying to teach a big group of people how to make it. Let me also note here that I had to teach them how to do it in SPANISH!!! Well surprisingly it went extremely well, well except we added a little too much salt to the peanut butter. Go figure one of the two things I am trying to eliminate we go and add too much of, and yes all the women let me know of this fact.

But anyway the peanut butter was a little salty but overall pretty good, and the deserts, oh the deserts were delicious. A note, I have had less then five deserts here in Nicaragua and only one in the last four months so my taste for deserts may be a little off. First we made some no bake cookies that were peanut butter and oatmeal among other ingredients. Delicious! Second, we made some peanut butter fudge, however with this we are waiting for it to set so tomorrow will be the big tasting day. But early sights are looking like it will be quite scrumptious. So class lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes and I think it was a good start and we will just have to see how it goes from there.

So now I got three funny stories for ya…

First is a story that is quite old, however, I just haven’t got around to posting it. For this story we will have to go back to church, actually the second time I went to church is when I picked up on this fact. Well I am sitting in there in church not really understanding anything, like I have said before I go more to try to understand country Spanish and also so that I can meet as many of the people from the community as quickly as possible. So I am sitting there daydreaming off into nowhere because I get bored pretty easily. So im sitting there and I come back from my daydream when I notice the collection person coming around. Like a lot of churches he has a bag attached to a stick he can extend down the aisles. But as I am sitting there I realize that I recognize the bag, it was purple with gold letters on it….

I sit there and think to myself, this just can´t be they don’t have that product here. Let me note here that I was in no way shape or form inebriated in any way. But as I wait for the person to come closer I sit there and read the words nice and slow…

CROWN ROYAL!!!

For those of you who do not know what this is, yup it’s a mighty fine whiskey. Not quite sure but I think that’s a nice little promotion to break church rules. Ha!

Anyway lets move on to story two, breast feeding. People back in the US think it is scandalous when women breast feed out in public, that park bench is soo taboo. Well here there is no shame in whipping it out right in the middle of a conversation. I can’t tell you how many conversations I have had with breast feeding mothers. Once I was having a conversation with a women and here three year old daughter just ran on up and pulled the breast out for a quick drink and then ran off, sort of like the water break during football practice. Im sorry, but this just never will become normal for me. But when I had thought I had seen it all, the news managed to shock me.

See the news here is known for being risqué. Every nightly news you see someone that was attacked by a machete about to die being interviewed ¨why do you think the guy attacked you and cut off your left ear¨. So it shouldn’t have been a big surprise what was on the news.

So the story is about a single mother of four kids who is struggling to make ends meet. Not that strange of a story back in the US, and definitely not hot news here either for that much either. But the touching side of the story was that two of the kids were 6 month old twins. So the closing shot of this family…can you guess it. Yes, the two older kids are playing in the back ground as the mother is feeding her kids (yes, one per twin) in the forefront. Oh and did I mention that it wasn’t like a risqué magazine cover back in the states with the two kids acting as a bra. No, they managed to zoom in just to make sure that everyone knew EXACTLY what the two little ones were up to. Yes I had to pick up my jaw off the floor.

So the grand finale, like I have mentioned before some things that should be crazy are normal now. For example, a two hour walk to get to the highway to go into town. See my truck didn’t come into my community on Wednesday and I needed to get into town. Thus my only option was to take the two hour hike to the highway. Well I get about an hour and fifteen minutes into the walk and I feel something brewing in my stomach. Well let me tell you a little something about the shits down here. Once you notice something brewing its not like back in the US where it just pops up to say ¨Hey when you get out of your meeting or anytime you get a chance today Id like to go for a swim, just let me know¨ no down here they aren´t that jolly. Down here they are more like ¨You have exactly five minutes to get your nice little bum on the closest latrine before I ruin you week, no make that your life!¨.

Well when your out in the middle of nowhere Nicaragua there are no latrines around, thus I was faced with two dilemmas; where to go and what to use for toilet paper. Lets use a list to attack these two problems.

1. For some reason I was more worried about toilet paper, so lets start there…
Well luckily (or so I thought) I had a notebook with me. I thought some higher being was with me on this one, who hasn’t heard of the notebook paper coming in to save some poor chaps day. Well I am living proof that all those stories are LIES. I am here to tell you that if you are going on a hike, or a long walk for that much, where your not around a bathroom. Do yourself a favor and pack some toilet paper, it doesn’t take up that much room. Shit you can put it in your pocket if your worried about conserving space. So yeah notebook paper doesn’t quite fold like toilet paper, the corners don´t just move out of the way for your pretty little toosh. No the corners are there to fight, and I haven’t read any laws that say rear ends are immune from paper cuts, and I will attest that law would never be able to pass. I will just leave it at that all my back packs were just stocked with toilet paper.
2. Where do you go…
Well once again I thought a higher being was with me on this one. See being in the middle of Nicaragua the road that I was on has roughly one person walk on it per hour, at the most. So I wasn’t worried about people walking up on me, rather I was searching for the most comfortable area. I watched survival shows back in the states and remember a show that said you can use rocks to simulate a toilet. Thus, I decided there was no better time to try out my knowledge, well I should have tried to hide a little further off the road. As I am finishing up giving myself enough paper cuts that would make a secretary have pity for me I hear a sound behind me…clip clop, clip clop. Yup, here comes a cowboy, and no it wasn’t a night in shining armor. The best part I learned throughout our twenty minute conversation that followed was that I was only the second gringo (American) this guy had ever seen. Thus he was quite interested in what I was doing. Needless to say it was not my finest hour…

Well I hope you all have a good weekend and keep on rooting for my TARHEELS!!!

And the dogs name is.....

So I haven´t really got many questions so I am just go ahead a fill you in on the last couple weeks of work (or lack of work) and some other random thoughts that I am having. Also it is easier to take the questions that I did get and take them back to my house and include them in my next blog. Oh and just a little heads up that there are some four letter words that follow, I have edited them so a lot are five letters, however if there are any youngin´s reading have your parents read it first…

First off, the long awaited naming of my new dog. I actually decided to go with a suggestion my brother gave me…fluck (minus a letter, Im guessing you all can guess which one). It´s awesome because I can get mad as hell at the dog and no one down here knows that I am cursing it out, they all think its his name. Take for example the other day, my dog took a shit in my living room, I responded by saying “Where did you learn that, your mother? Flucker” Of course I am sitting here cracking up and no one else understands why. Or another example the other day I went for a walk with my dog and she was walking really slow so I told her “Hurry up, Flucker”. Once again I was cracking up, locals not so much. But I guess that the whole point of it.

Well I hope you all know me well enough that I didn´t name my dog Flucker, Im not that mean…well not quite. Instead I decided to go with a Spanish name because the locals have enough trouble with my name I didn’t want to torcher them with two English names. I also avoided all the cliché names like Nicaragua or extranjero (Spanish for foreigner) because well I am not sure that I am going to bring it back to the US with me so a dog named Nicaragua that lives in Nicaragua just isn’t quite catchy.

So without further ado…her name is Torpe. Yeah go get your Spanish dictionaries out, it means clumsy in Spanish. See my dog is the runt of the litter and thus is a little slow to say the least. For example I put food in her dish and she is sooo clumsy and in a rush to eat that she knocks the bowl upside down and has the food all over the place including on top of her head. It is hilarious to watch and not to mention watching her walk, her back legs never seem to want to follow her front legs so shes always walking in a zigzag patter, yeah its hilarious too. Also I put her down on the ground to walk with me to visit other houses, I then walk forward five feet and call her to follow me. Yup, she turns around and walks the other way. (Should I take this as a sign she doesn´t like me?) Anyway, Torpe it is. I also like it cause it sounds like torpedo which she is anything but.

Other news on the animal front, my cat is pregnant. Yes I fill like enough time has passed that I can safely announce it to the world without jinxing the babies, haha. Anyways I am not really excited about this as I just don´t want to have to deal with baby cats. I know that there will be plenty of people that want baby cats but its just that well there aren’t any so called good and caring homes to give them to as most people here treat there animals pretty poorly. Also, I have to deal with the whole deciding when is a good time to separate the babies from there mom. Anyways not looking forward to it and its also making me think about getting a little procedure done on the dog but I can´t see myself doing that, I guess I just see it is not my decision as to whether an animal should have babies are not. It´s funny cause this discussion is very big down here among Volunteers as there are many pets down here that are gravely underfed, however I just don´t see myself has deserving of the power to eliminate the possibilities of my dog having babies only because I don´t want to deal with them or another family isn’t just to have my dogs babies, or whatever million other reasons there are for doing the operation. Well I have already said more then I wanted on that so I am done with that.

I am really excited because I just started a project in my town, it’s a project I never thought I would have started because I was against it coming down here but anyway I went ahead and started teaching English classes in the school in my town. I am teaching the equivalent of 4th, 5th and 6th graders and although I have only taught two classes it seems like it is going to be an awesome experience. I must explain why I was against it in the first place, my original opinion (and still somewhat my opinion) is that it is arrogant of us as US citizens to come down here and teach English to the locals because we deem it a superior language. Well my opinion hasn´t changed on that, however, I became bored at the lack of work that I was accomplishing.

During this time I was checking into the schools and watching classes to see if I could give some classes to kids about various environmental subjects. I must note that in total the school is 50 kids for six grades with only two teachers, thus 25 kids per teacher, each teacher teaching three grades. Well while the teachers were great, the kids just weren´t simulated by the subjects. So anyway before class I was asked by one of the teachers would I be interested in teaching some English, I answered that I could teach them some greetings and other words. Well during class the teacher asked the students who is interested in English class, all twenty five hands shot off like rockets into the air. Thus, English class started and its looking like it will be a two day a week adventure. So far we have had two classes under our belt and the kids don´t want to leave school when I am done teaching. This has been really exciting, especially because I can use it to give classes on other subjects. Also, who knows but it may get them more excited in other classes as well.

Well now I am going to post a couple rambling thoughts, things I have been meaning to post, however, just haven’t had the time or care to put it on the blog.

The concrete floor is really starting to grow on me, the other week I was sick with a sinus infection. You know where your coughing up flem, well the concrete floor is awesome because you can just spit it right out where your sitting and sweep it out the door when it dries up. No need to worry about that nice carpet getting ruined.

I can curse all that I want, see “bad words” have no significance in Spanish. Its sort of like the saying “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around did it really fall” (ok I probably butchered the saying but I don’t have to remind you that internet isn’t the easiest thing to come about out here in bumble…. Nicaragua). So back to the story If I say a curse word in English and no one understands it is it really that bad of a word?

It is perfectly fine to be late anywhere you go, well anywhere but church. See everything here runs late, meetings are always 30 mins to an hour after the decided start time. The truck that takes me in to town always leaves 30 min after its supposed to, even though my dumb ass is always 10 minutes early. Then when the truck comes back into town, its supposed to leave at 1, yeah that means that sometimes it leaves at 130, sometimes 230, sometimes 330 or sometimes just never shows up. Yeah that’s a bitch when your sitting there waiting for over an hour and then you realize your screwed and its not coming. So you gotta find trucks that are going to near by towns and then walk to your town. For me this often includes an hour bus ride followed by a forty minute walk up a mountain with my 15 to 30 pounds worth of groceries and pet food and any other bs I need to take out to my house. But anyway back to the point, don´t be late to church. Church never starts late. Show up two minutes after start time and the whole congregation is looking at you (Yeah its only 30 people but its intimidating). And yes I have now walked into church late twice.

You can´t buy green bananas, they just won´t sell them to you. I walked into the town grocery store, which is nothing more then a families living room where they sell vegetables, chips and soda. Well I walk in and ask if they have bananas, and of course the sixty year old lady couldn’t understand me so I asked again, again poor little lady couldn´t understand me. So I look around and see the damn bananas and point to them and say can I buy four bananas (no, I was not angry yet). She turns to me and says they don´t have any bananas. Well she must have read my face (I have never been known to hide my emotions well) and then says they aren’t for sale because they are green. I didn’t know what to say so I just walked out and haven’t gone back for over six weeks, but I don’t hold grudges so its all good.

The people down here are the nicest, sweetest people you can meet, until you try to get on a bus with them. Holy shit they turn into like American Gladiators when they fight for a bus seat. Its crazy, they wait for over half an hour for their bus to come in and then they storm the bus so they get a seat. Im serious, nails come out, old ladies start swinging their purses, kids are storming the back emergency entrance. This is all before the bus has come to a complete stop. It’s the craziest scene imaginable.

There are no calories down here, rather there are units of energy. I don’t have to count my evil calories down here, rather I get to count how much energy I get to use today.

You would never imagine how many people you can fit in things. I have seen hammocks that can comfortably fit me in them be filled with four grown adults. I have rode in trucks with 30 people in the back. I swear its almost a game to see who can fit the most...

Oh and add two more scorpions to the count…

Finally, GO HEELS!!! Beat dook.